Category: Texas Bobbi

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2023 The Year Consumerism and I went on a Break




2022 saw the year where I started realizing how easy it is to fall in the trap of the world and “Oh look shiny thing” let’s buy the shiny thing. Maybe you don’t but me and my goblin (adhd) brain do. This is a long up hill battle for me the grab happy goblin. I got lost a few times, fell back a couple more. Which means I bought more crap I didn’t need and in reality other then a quick dopamine hit; I didn’t really want. Was all of it ultimately useless no, none of it was life changing; some was useful. Not a 100% loss and waste but reality hitting me over the head of how being overwhelmed in a house full of stuff. Stuff that no one other then me wants; if something were to happen to me would be a burden to my family and friends to take care of (save it, I am fine. I am a realist that nobody is gonna want my stuff and it is a lot of stuff to burden someone with. I never want to be a burden.) is always hanging over my shoulder. The what if’s of where we could be if I could I didn’t struggle with this; I would dance around the term shopping addict. I know this is not seen as an addiction but let me tell you it is just one of many socially acceptable addictions; that if we all looked too close we would get a harsh reality none of us want.

I didn’t want to see it and admit; now what am I going to do help myself break this cycle of addiction. When shopping isn’t something that you can cold turkey quit. I have talked about this before; I know what makes now different? What makes the time that it finally clicks different we never know, I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me. Sometimes it is hard to make myself believe in myself that I can change. I know I am possible of change; me being here writing this here in the year 2023 is because of change. I know in reality that the small changes is what in total will make the big change possible. I have been thinking about this heavily all last week. How do I want make changes?

  • Take a picture (add it to a wishlist) and walk away from things I want to purchase (Review the list once every 30 days. Removing things that were dopamine chasers, wait another 30 days or until savings goal met to purchase any remaining.
  • No buying t-shirts (outside of a Metallica concert tee in August at the show)
  • No Shoes (Outside of maybe new work shoes and a pair of freebird boots that i am saving for)
  • If there is something I want save and buy the actual item instead of trying to dupe and spending more trying to find the “right” dupe.
  • No make up or hair care unless replacing something
  • No fragrance (make a list if I use it and up and want to replace it when I have used up most of my excessive perfume collecetion)
  • If I do replace something let go of the thing that is being replaced (there is no need to hold onto the old)
  • Keep editing my wardrobe/style to only contain items I love.
  • It is okay to not have the same style as everyone else; I am myself and I am enough.
  • No home decor (outside of a drum lampshade for my vintage lamp.

Ultimately this is the year of less; letting things go, bringing less in. I want to end up living more with less stuff and more connection with myself.

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The Decade that Changed my Life

2022 is the year that I changed my life. I will admit that for the majority of my life I secretly wondered, if I would ever dig out of the dark cave I was in. I hope to never fully go back, do I assume I have full escaped no. That is the gift that is mental illness, it never goes away. It ebbs and flows. I feel like I can easily fall into the dark, it is comfortable in the way you know how it is gonna feel and doesn’t take a ton of maintenance. This change has been a decade in the making, don’t think I woke up one day and was like things gonna change. It has taken till recently for me to realize change comes with time and not in one choice but in a million little choices. It has been little choices to become a better me since I asked for help in March 2012. Am I a fully functioning adult to American standards; probably not even close; don’t care I am becoming whole after being merely a shadow. There have been pivotable moments in this past decade looking back; that March day in 2012, Aug 2017, all of 2018, Dec 26, 2021. Those moments are very different some heartbreaking and some so bright they were blinding. I am so grateful for the friends that have stayed for the ride; I hope you stay for a while longer. If not I promise our time together helped shape the person that is here today. This time a decade ago we were about to start our journey as a military family, I don’t look back fondly as that time as a whole. It was the start of the little changes, the military made it possible to start the deep dive into why; why I fought happiness so much. The answers were not easy; to find or accept. I faced them. Keep facing them as more come out of the dark. I am bound and determine to not let the darkness swallow me whole, like it has been my whole life. Do I know how this fight will end, no but everyday I am here that is a day I am winning. I am alive sometimes with just sheer Spite the darkness and sometimes spite alone is enough. Hopeful the next decade, I can focus my spite elsewhere.

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Hits and Misses: Week of 10/9

Let’s start with the big miss of the week. Halloween Ends, I will go more in depth about this on this weeks episode of Awkward Club. It is just bad, in my humble opinion. Open for discussion.

Hits there are a few and mostly media based.

We finished “What We Do In The Shadows”, we watched all 4 seasons in like week 10 days. We would watch 3 episodes a night. It is a 22 minute show which is a breathe of fresh hair with all the hour long shows currently. If you liked the movie or like dark comedy this is a must watch.

“Don’t Worry Darling” if you like “The Stepford Wives” either the book or the 2004 remake. I am ashamed to say I haven’t seen the original. You will more then like enjoy this movie. I personally enjoyed the setting a ton, I am a sucker for mid century modern.

We finally started “Letterkenny” and with in 30 seconds I was hooked. We watch most things with subtitles but subtitles were a must. If you don’t like cursing or potty humor, skip this. We max out at two episodes, can’t do three at a time.

I am here to entertain myself with my style. One of the easiest ways to add some 🤌 to most outfits is a fun pair of tights. My preferred brand is Snag Tights, they ship out of the UK. So I typically wait and do one maybe two big orders a year. They hold up well, still wearing tights from two years ago.

One last thing I have been stuck on this playlist on Spotify this week. It is made by me and has a bit of everything I like on it. So be warned.

Catch me on Wednesday for the Relaunch of Awkward Club everywhere you listen to podcasts or YouTube.

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The Friendship and Adventure of Siobhan and TootToot 11

If your new to this story and would like to start at the beginning.

These post will be written by the player who plays Siobhan, at the point that these started these characters had been playing together for 2 years. They are no longer being actively used in our campaign. They are still doing stuff behind the scenes. There has been a ten year time jump in our campaign since these have been written. Nothing TootToot does majorly is done with out discussing with me; lets be honest though most of our party knows what TootToot is going to do before he does. This series is long, be prepared. Also it will reveal a lot of TootToot’s backstory that he hasn’t shared with others before and Some of Siobhan’s. Yes; believe it or not my party had been playing with me for two years before I revealed TootToot’s backstory. Hard to believe, I know.

Please click on the two the bottom of the page to continue onto the story.

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The Friendship and Adventures of Siobhan and TootToot Part 9

If your new to this story and would like to start at the beginning.

These post will be written by the player who plays Siobhan, at the point that these started these characters had been playing together for 2 years. They are no longer being actively used in our campaign. They are still doing stuff behind the scenes. There has been a ten year time jump in our campaign since these have been written. Nothing TootToot does majorly is done with out discussing with me; lets be honest though most of our party knows what TootToot is going to do before he does. This series is long, be prepared. Also it will reveal a lot of TootToot’s backstory that he hasn’t shared with others before and Some of Siobhan’s. Yes; believe it or not my party had been playing with me for two years before I revealed TootToot’s backstory. Hard to believe, I know.

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The Friendship and Adventures of Siobhan and TootToot Part 5

If your new to this story and would like to start at the beginning.

These post will be written by the player who plays Siobhan, at the point that these started these characters had been playing together for 2 years. They are no longer being actively used in our campaign. They are still doing stuff behind the scenes. There has been a ten year time jump in our campaign since these have been written. Nothing TootToot does majorly is done with out discussing with me; lets be honest though most of our party knows what TootToot is going to do before he does. This series is long, be prepared. Also it will reveal a lot of TootToot’s backstory that he hasn’t shared with others before and Some of Siobhan’s. Yes; believe it or not my party had been playing with me for two years before I revealed TootToot’s backstory. Hard to believe, I know.

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The Friendship & Adventures of Siobhan and TootToot Part 3

If your new to this story and would like to start at the beginning.

These post will be written by the player who plays Siobhan, at the point that these started these characters had been playing together for 2 years. They are no longer being actively used in our campaign. They are still doing stuff behind the scenes. There has been a ten year time jump in our campaign since these have been written. Nothing TootToot does majorly is done with out discussing with me; lets be honest though most of our party knows what TootToot is going to do before he does. This series is long, be prepared. Also it will reveal a lot of TootToot’s backstory that he hasn’t shared with others before and Some of Siobhan’s. Yes; believe it or not my party had been playing with me for two years before I revealed TootToot’s backstory. Hard to believe, I know.

Pages: 1 2
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The Friendship and Adventures of Siobhan and TootToot Pt. 2

If your new to this story and would like to start at the beginning.

These post will be written by the player who plays Siobhan, at the point that these started these characters had been playing together for 2 years. They are no longer being actively used in our campaign. They are still doing stuff behind the scenes. There has been a ten year time jump in our campaign since these have been written. Nothing TootToot does majorly is done with out discussing with me; lets be honest though most of our party knows what TootToot is going to do before he does. This series is long, be prepared. Also it will reveal a lot of TootToot’s backstory that he hasn’t shared with others before and Some of Siobhan’s. Yes; believe it or not my party had been playing with me for two years before I revealed TootToot’s backstory. Hard to believe, I know.

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Master Bra’tac

As most of you know by now, River didn’t work out for us and it broke our hearts. I do know she was adopted again(that’s all I know). Well we weren’t looking to get another animal for a long time again after our failed adoption. And then a someone on our local mom’s page posted about a kitten who was 9 months old at the time. C was actually gone to an Aggie football and out of pocket, when I saw him. There was something about his picture I was drawn to him (and I had always had dogs growing up). So we went to meet him, he was sweet and loving. His name was Alex back then but that would never do. I brought him home and he spent the first two days hiding (but after talking to a few people that’s normal for cats). Now he follows C and I everywhere, he meets C at the door every evening meowing. His favorite place at the moment is under the Christmas tree. Who knew it I was a crazy cat lady who just had dogs all this time.

The picture that drew me in.

Just the other night.

Yawning caught at the right moment.

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